A lot of women learn very early that being visible comes with a cost.
Not because there’s anything wrong with being confident, attractive, expressive, or alive in your own skin—but because attention can turn from flattering to invasive in a heartbeat. And when it does, the responsibility somehow gets pushed back onto us to manage it.
So many women start shrinking themselves without even realizing it.
Sometimes it looks like wearing baggy clothes to hide your shape. Sometimes it’s avoiding eye contact. Sometimes it’s walking faster, talking quieter, laughing less loudly. Sometimes it’s making yourself less… noticeable.
Looking back, I can see my own version of this.
I wore baggy clothes to hide my figure. I thought if I just made myself less visible, less “appealing,” I could move through the world a little more peacefully. When that didn’t work, I gained weight. The pounds became a kind of insulation—a layer between me and the constant gaze.
It worked in some ways. The attention softened.
But so did my relationship with myself.
Because when you dim your light long enough to stay safe, eventually you start believing the dimmer version is who you really are. Your self-esteem slowly lowers, not all at once, but inch by inch.
And the hardest part is realizing that the thing you were trying to protect yourself from ended up taking pieces of you with it.
A lot of women carry stories like this. Different details, same survival instinct.
Learning to step back into your light after that… takes time. But it’s worth it. Because the world doesn’t actually need women who are smaller, quieter, or more hidden.
It needs women who feel safe being fully themselves again.